I'm a Pilot's Wife. Plane Crash Speculations Are Insensitive and Disrespectful

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes last Thursday was a text from my husband in our family group chat that read, "Don't bother watching the news if you want to know about the crash in DC. You'll learn more in 7 minutes from this guy than watching the news all day."

He included a link to a YouTube video made by Juan Browne, a current airline pilot who focuses on aviation safety. The video explained in detail—the route each aircraft took, shared radio transmissions and, most interesting to me, explained the TCAS (Traffic Collision Avoidance System) and why its warnings are diminished at lower altitudes, such as when planes are landing.

This conversation was not entirely new to me, as I've been a pilot's wife for the last 23 years. Our daughter is an instrument rated pilot who earned her private pilot's license within weeks of getting her drivers license at 17. My husband has spent over three decades in aviation. He retired as a Navy Reserve Commander, who flew F/A-18s for 13 years of active duty, and transport planes as a reservist. He's been a commercial airline pilot for 21 years.

The part that surprised me, and turned my stomach, was when the online speculation about the cause of the crash began among a few notable public figures on social media. Making assumptions in the midst of such a tragic event is insensitive and disrespectful to those who lost their lives in the crash and to the families of those who had yet to be identified.

Early and baseless information included thousands of social media posts wrongly naming transgender Black Hawk pilot, Jo Ellis, as the pilot in the DC crash. She decried the 'political agenda with a "proof of life" video to set the record straight.

During the initial investigation, in the hours after the crash, the Army came out with a statement that the name of the pilot would not be released at the request of the family.

On Saturday, the Army put out the following statement, "At the request of and in coordination with the family, the Army is releasing the name of the third Soldier who died while performing a training mission near Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport on Jan. 29."

As a pilot's wife, when I saw the judgemental comments, about Capt. Rebecca M. Lobach's experience, I felt exasperated. It seemed inappropriate for so many people with no experience in aviation to make assumptions and claim to know all the answers.

The fact is, it was too early to speculate on the cause of the crash. There will be answers and factual information when the investigation is completed. It's hurtful to the families of those who have lost loved ones to pile on criticism while offering little or no empathy in the wake of their sudden loss.

My husband has flown in and out of Reagan National airport (DCA) routinely during his 21-years and counting as a commercial airline pilot. On a number of occasions, he has told me it's one of the more challenging airports to get in and out of because of its busy air traffic, coupled with the helicopter traffic back and forth across the Potomac River.

While the online rhetoric continued and the first responders were in the midst of their recovery mission to retrieve the victims from the icy water, I called my husband. Before the passengers were identified, I felt sick at the thought of who might be on board the two aircraft. After so many years flying, he knows a lot of people and we have friends who fly for American Airlines. The fact that a military helicopter, the Army Black Hawk, was involved made it even worse.

As always, he was a calming, rational, voice of reason. But, at one point said, referring to the Black Hawk crew, "They didn't wake up this morning and expect to make a mistake. Mid-air collisions happen in training, and flying a helicopter at night in congested airspace with night vision goggles is not easy. Civilian pilots don't do this. There's a low margin for error. Maybe the issue is why are they doing this training so close to the airport."

We talked about how it's impossible to know exactly what happened so early, before the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) gets in there and completes their investigation. It could be any number of things—from the experience of the air traffic controller to the pilot of the helicopter possibly being confused due to visibility being more challenging at night. Until the investigation is done, it's pure speculation.

This is exactly why we shouldn't be guessing the cause. Unfortunately, some people can't help themselves.

In another clip from a variety of media sources, President Trump blamed Obama, Biden and DEI for the DC plane crash and continued to prematurely opine about the cause while the wreckage—with bodies not yet recovered, was still underwater.

Americans and the families of the victims are already overwhelmed, confused, scared and angry, so for anyone with influence to be floating conspiracy theories or assigning blame while what remains of the victims—sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends, are still being recovered, is disgusting.

I'm well aware we're living in the age of attention, and sensational content is a lucrative commodity. While I understand that some people make their living rage-baiting and otherwise inciting fear and chaos, this is not the time for that.

For many, a tragedy like this puts things into immediate perspective. It is a time to not only be gentle with others, but with ourselves. While it may seem like there has been an evaporation of empathy over the past decade, thanks in part to technology, the way people ultimately come together to support one another will never be lost.

This is evidenced in the many acts of humanity, big and small, in the wake of the recent fires in Los Angeles, California.

My husband and I spoke a few more times throughout the day Thursday, still in shock with everyone else. I told him to be careful driving home, like I always do, as we live a couple of hours from the airport he's based out of in the DC metro area.

Around midnight, when he arrived home, I was relieved to hear the garage door open and feel the swishing of our dog's tail under the covers.

But, I still couldn't stop thinking about the families whose precious loved ones won't be coming home. There are 67 families that have been affected by this crash trying to process their own excruciating grief, while making sure their loved ones are not forgotten.

My heart breaks for the families of so many young people whose lives have been cut short after a trip that involved following their dreams. The skating community is overwhelmed with sadness.

I imagine the Casualty Assistance Officers having to notify the family members of the Black Hawk helicopter crew and what a difficult job that must be.

It's human nature to want to speculate, to want to search for answers in a time where so much feels unknown. It's something to cling to. However, in the midst of a tragedy, it's best to leave the assessments to the experts, and keep your conspiracy theories out of the public eye and off of social media. The most meaningful gift we can give to the victims and their families who have lost so much, is the simple gesture of empathy and respect.

Jennifer Cannon is a New Jersey-based freelance writer with clips in TODAY, Business Insider, and Eat This, Not That!.

All views expressed are the author's own.

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