What Regular Arguing With Your Partner Actually Says About Your Marriage

Many people believe that frequent fighting in a relationship is a sign of trouble, but experts say that's not necessarily the case.

While constant conflict can be emotionally exhausting, occasional bickering—when done in a healthy way—can strengthen a relationship rather than break it down. So, what does frequent arguing with your partner really mean? Is it a sign of incompatibility, or can it actually be a sign of emotional engagement?

Newsweek spoke to Holly J. Moore, a divorce attorney at Moore Family Law Group, and Dr. Norma Scevoli, a chartered counseling psychologist and clinical director at Resilient Wellbeing Clinic, about the difference between healthy conflict and toxic fighting—and what couples can do to make sure their disagreements remain productive rather than destructive.

Does Fighting Mean Your Relationship Is in Trouble?

According to Moore, many people assume that frequent arguments mean a relationship is failing, but that's not always true.

"Conflict is a necessary component of any long-term commitment," she said.

In her experience as a divorce lawyer, she said she has seen that couples who never fight tend to have more serious underlying issues, while those who argue regularly are often more emotionally engaged.

"How you argue matters more than whether you argue at all," Moore added.

Similarly, Scevoli explained that bickering can indicate that both partners trust each other enough to express their feelings honestly.

"Frequent disagreements in a relationship are not necessarily a sign of dysfunction," she said. "In fact, regular bickering can indicate emotional engagement—both partners care enough to express their feelings and opinions rather than withdrawing."

Rather than being a red flag, Scevoli said that healthy conflict can foster deeper understanding, emotional resilience and intimacy in a relationship.

That doesn't mean that all fighting is beneficial, though. The key difference is whether the conflict is constructive or toxic.

Signs of Healthy Conflict

According to Scevoli, these are signs of healthy conflict:

• Respectful communication: Disagreements focus on solutions rather than personal attacks.
• Emotional engagement: Both partners feel heard and valued, rather than ignored or dismissed.
• Humor and playfulness: Using lightheartedness to diffuse tension without dismissing concerns.
• Taking breaks but returning to the discussion: Avoiding stonewalling or shutting down instead of addressing issues.
• Affection after disagreements: Checking in, reassuring each other and moving forward together.

In contrast, toxic conflict involves criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling—patterns that can lead to emotional disconnection and resentment, Scevoli said.

Keeping Bickering Constructive

For couples who worry they argue too much, Scevoli suggested the following strategies to prevent disagreements being harmful.

• Use "I" statements: "Instead of blaming ('You never listen'), express your feelings ('I feel unheard when...')."
• Focus on resolution, not winning: "A relationship is not a competition."
• Practice repair strategies: "A simple apology, hug or acknowledgment of the other person's feelings can prevent resentment from building."

When Arguing Is a Concern

Even in a loving relationship, fighting should never feel exhausting or repetitive without resolution, Moore said. She advised couples to ask themselves at the end of an argument if they're still feeling "respected" and "loved."

If the answer is yes, then conflict is simply part of a your communication style. But if fights feel like they're eroding the relationship, it might be time to examine deeper issues.

"Sometimes, learning how to fight better is more important than fighting less," Moore said. Seeking professional guidance—like couples therapy—can help break unhealthy patterns and improve communication, she added.

At the end of the day, both experts agreed: Conflict isn't inherently bad—it's how couples handle it that truly matters.