Sex Therapist Shares Technique to 'Wonderful Path' Toward Better Sex

When it comes to sex, many people are chasing an idealized version—passionate moments filled with pleasure and endless satisfaction.

According to a sex and marriage and family therapist, this narrow view of intimacy is actually holding people back from truly fulfilling connections. Marisa Cohen told Newsweek that shifting expectations, embracing open communication and exploring mindfulness in the bedroom are what can truly lead partners down a "wonderful path" toward better sex.

"Many people view sex as a hot passionate act that leads to multiple orgasms and partners begging for more. The media certainly supports this narrative," Cohen said. "However, this often is not the case. Changing your view on sex can help you come to terms with this and can also enhance the intimacy you have with your partner."

Cohen emphasized that sexual experiences vary, and rather than turning away from a partner when things don't go perfectly, couples should turn toward each other.

"If you distance yourself or try to assign blame, this can lead to stress and anxiety, making you less likely to want to engage in physical intimacy again," she said.

Exploring Pleasure in New Ways

One of Cohen's key insights is that sex doesn't have to be about intercourse alone.

"All forms of erotic expression and physical touch can be pleasurable and can enhance your intimate lives," she explained.

She encouraged couples to incorporate mindfulness—a technique that involves staying present and fully aware of sensations in the moment.

"Mindfulness during sex, or conscious awareness of the present moment, can also be really beneficial as it can enhance sex lives by reducing stress and assisting people in focusing on in-the-moment sensations," she said, adding that this can help people become more attuned to not only their own pleasure, but also their partner's. After that? Having discussions about what they have experienced is key.

While many people might struggle to talk about sex due to shame or past negative experiences, Cohen recommended that partners create a safe space for these conversations.

"Starting with questions about how your partner learned about sex and any barriers to communication about it can be helpful, as well as exploring any social or cultural influences on their beliefs," she said. By mapping out these influences, couples can identify restrictive narratives and replace them with new, healthier perspectives.

Rewriting the Script

For couples who want to explore new ways to connect physically, Cohen suggested a similar thoughtful and intentional approach.

"It's important for partners to have a conversation about what they want to try and what that may look like in practice first," she said. "During the exploration phase, when partners put the idea into practice, it is helpful for them to check in with one another to make sure that they are comfortable."

She also recommended a debriefing process—both during and after—to discuss what worked, what didn't and why.

Once couples let go of traditional sexual expectations, Cohen said, the conversation opens up in exciting ways: "These discussions can center on anything and everything! Once we break out of the dominant script, we are free to explore."

Ultimately, she urged people to remember that their sex life doesn't need to look like what they see in movies or porn.

"Your sex life is your sex life," Cohen said. "What you and your partner find pleasurable and fun is perfect as is."