The Simple Bedtime Habit That Could Bring Couples Closer—By a Sex Expert

While there may be no such thing as a perfect relationship, experts have revealed to Newsweek one simple act that can keep the spark going between you and your partner.

It doesn't have to be a lavish date night, or anything too intimate. In fact, Newsweek has spoken to sex and relationship experts about why going to bed at the same time could make the world of difference.

Sharing a bedtime routine with a partner might seem mundane, but relationship expert Dr. Channe Bromley tells Newsweek that it's a signal of "power, intimacy, and unspoken connection." Going to bed isn't solely about switching the lights off and getting cozy, it's also when people bring their walls down and allow for deeper emotional bonds.

"Going to bed together isn't just about sex, it's about syncing up your lives in a world that constantly pulls you in different directions," Bromley said. "Even if nothing physical happens, the act of lying down at the same time creates a ritual of connection. It's the last moment of the day where you can decompress together."

While there's no set time to go to bed (we're all adults, after all), Bromley notes that "earlier can be better." If you've got longer to wind down together, you're not rushing, and you can take as much time as possible to be in the moment.

Indeed, it's not just about the romance, as there's also a biological benefit too. Cuddling, hugging, kissing, and sexual intimacy can trigger the production of oxytocin, which can strengthen the bond between adults.

A 2013 review found that oxytocin can reduce stress, boost trust, empathy and increase eye contact. In turn, it was concluded that these effects can increase cooperativeness between partners, mutual understanding, and positive relationship reflections.

This is one of the reasons why Bromley believes that couples who share bedtime routines have "stronger emotional bonds." It can also lead to better sex lives as couples are able to maintain a healthy level of intimacy.

She told Newsweek: "When you fall asleep next to someone, your body unconsciously syncs up with theirs. There's a biological level of bonding that happens when you regulate your sleep cycles.

"Rushing to bed just to check a box won't create connection, but intentionally carving out space for each other will. Couples who go to bed together tend to have better sex lives because they create more opportunities for intimacy. Desire happens when there's closeness and availability, not when you're exhausted and out of sync," Bromley continued.

This view was echoed by sex and relationship therapist Leigh Norén, who suggests that going to bed together shows that couples are willing to prioritize their relationship.

While affection might wane over time, Norén told Newsweek that keeping those moments of daily connection and intimacy can "buffer against" the slow demise of a relationship.

She said: "Going to bed together is an easy way to ensure you and your partner get your daily dose of physical affection. This helps keep your relationship intimate, whether or not it leads to sex.

"Couples who have grown apart often stop doing all the small things that kept their relationship alive, like touching, snuggling, kissing. The earlier you go to bed, the more energy you'll have to snuggle or have sex," Norén said.

It can be a slippery slope when couples fall out of sync, as Norén says physical affection can often get lost and leads to couples having parallel lives. Over time, couples can "grow apart and feel more distant" because they've lost those moments of intimacy.

Of course, some couples have different schedules, so going to bed at the same time is out of the question. However, Bromley told Newsweek that it's about "maximizing overlap" when it happens. It doesn't matter if you spend a few minutes together in the morning or at night.

She recommends carving out time for a brief moment of connection, which could be as simple as cuddling, kissing, or just talking to each other.

"It's less about perfection and more about consistency. Making sure there are touch-points in the relationship that reinforce intimacy, even when life gets chaotic," Bromley said.

It can even work if couples just want to lay in bed and watch TikTok or put a movie on. What matters most is ensuring that whatever they do is "a shared moment," according to Norén.

Rather than lying in bed together and watching separate things, do it together. Those small moments may be simple, but they can have a "low lift" in any relationship and shouldn't be taken for granted.

"While physical affection can certainly happen outside the bedroom, it often requires more intentional thought," Norén said. "But when you go to bed at the same time, you tend to naturally snuggle or be close in ways that you might not otherwise in your home."

Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.