Stepmom's Response to Teen's Obituary After Her Death Slammed: 'So Awkward'

A Reddit post has sparked intense conversation after a woman sided with her mother over an obituary decision.

In the post, u/Majestic-Annual-6706 shared how her sister had recently died at 19 years old after a long battle with illness. She had planned her funeral and written her obituary months before her passing—which excluded her stepfamily. In a decision to honor her sister's last wishes, the original poster (OP) and her mother published the obituary as it was, without including the step-relatives.

Newsweek spoke to Dr. Michael G. Wetter, a clinical psychologist from Los Angeles, about how the decision upset the OP's stepfamily and how death in blended families can give rise to underlying dynamics.

According to the OP, her sister had specifically instructed her family to respect her wishes and publish the obituary as she had written it—without any embellishments or inclusions that did not reflect her true feelings.

"My sister wasn't close to [my dad] since he remarried six years ago, and she'd lived with mom full time once she got sick," the OP wrote. "Dad still saw her but their relationship wasn't good. She hadn't seen our stepmom in over three years or our stepsiblings."

Her sister's obituary did not mention their stepmother or stepsiblings, instead only listing immediate family members that she had maintained close relationships with—including her parents and extended family.

"That's the obituary we published, and my dad and stepmom were furious," the OP wrote. Her father demanded that the obituary be amended to include them, but the mother, backed by her daughter, refused.

This decision has caused a rift in the family, with the stepmother and stepsiblings choosing not to attend the funeral.

"The funeral was so awkward because of the tension," the OP wrote. "My sister hadn't wanted our stepmom, stepsiblings or half siblings to be seated with the family. In the end, my stepmom and her kids stayed home, and dad was with me and mom at the service."

Viewers in the comments section overwhelmingly backed the OP's resoluteness.

"Y'all are just following your sister's last wishes. Your dad can kick rocks," one person wrote. "Whatever the reasons for their rocky relationship, it's far too late for him to be trying to play 'happy family' now."

"The fact he is responding with anger about this when his daughter just died tells us everything we need to know about him," another said.

An expert opinion

Dr. Wetter spoke to Newsweek about the complexities of grief, blended families and the importance of respecting a deceased person's wishes.

"In cases of estrangement or blended families, obituaries can become a source of contention because they are more than just a notice of passing—they are a reflection of relationships, identity and belonging," he said. "When someone has pre-written their own obituary, as in this case, their wishes should be the guiding principle. It was a conscious decision by the deceased, likely rooted in their lived experience, and disregarding it would be a disservice to their autonomy."

Dr. Wetter explained that grief can often manifest in a desire for control over how a person is remembered, particularly in situations where unresolved family issues or estrangement exist.

"Grief is complex, and people often try to assert control over narratives as a way to cope with feelings of loss, regret or exclusion," he said.

In this case, the father and stepmother's reaction can be understood as an expression of grief, but Dr. Wetter emphasized that respecting the sister's autonomy was crucial. He suggested that the family could acknowledge the pain while holding firm to the deceased's wishes.

He recommended that the family focus on private tributes or memories that could allow the father and stepmother to grieve without altering the obituary.

"Family members may struggle with this, but they should be encouraged to focus on their own personal grieving process rather than on controlling the narrative of someone who is no longer here to speak for themselves," he said.

Newsweek reached out to u/Majestic-Annual-6706 for comment via TikTok.